~ This post was drafted several weeks before we had learned of our news, a move to Colorado. Our journey continues. Only God holds our future, each and every day He sees the end to the beginning. ~
When I pray I feel it near, the verge of something bigger than me, the edge, the closing, excitement stirring in my heart. I know He goes before me, before us and guides us and this is what I cling to. I'm here now.
No news yet on a potential job position that would allow Matt to cover the entire state of CO. We are in limbo, holding on and holding on. Yet, in the uncertainty, I know we are on our way. I have known for a while, that this chapter will end soon. The Lord has allowed me an awareness, and a stillness to things I need to keep in focus.
The privileges I have known, being His child. He holds me together, and breaks me apart. Teaches me, grows me, stretching me and it continues. His timing, the way he reveals piece by piece, He amazes me. I didn't know why during satisfied moments my heart would shift, but now I do. He pushes me through, makes me go beyond my own comfort and I'm grateful, tearfully grateful.
In 2008, I saw the CO landscape for the first time and was awe struck that people could actually live in such gorgeous surroundings. Never had I dreamed that the Lord would offer this and so much more to us, in just three years. In 2010 we took our first family vacation to Granby, CO. Driving into the mountains during holiday traffic, my sunglasses hid my tears. How can home be a place I've never been? I didn't know then and I don't know now. What I can say is that only God allowed me to know that day that I was entering a time in my life that would prove significant.
I journal this to give testimony to the One who holds my life and directs these changes. I don't ever want to forget where I've come from or how I get to where I'm going. Everything I have grown into is because of His grace and wherever I am, His grace is with me. He holds me together now, before any official news, and He will hold me together during a frenzied, bittersweet ending to a beautiful chapter in my life.
Lord, while you move me, help me hold on.
